You’re Losing Yourself
During a time when I was having a rough time in my relationship, the universe threw hard ball answers at me since I kept asking it why. I just had another huge fight and was ready to throw in the towel for good this time. The universe’s hard ball answer number 1 came through my sister. She messaged me one of her quotes after I hadn’t received one from her in a while saying, “Don’t start your day with the broken pieces of yesterday. Every day is a fresh start. Each day is a new beginning. Every morning we wake up is the first day of our new life.”
It caught me off guard but gave me an instant calm. If things didn’t work yesterday you can always try again today. I then spent hours talking to a friend asking for their opinions before asking myself why things weren’t working out again. Was it my stubbornness, his ways of communicating, my lack of empathy…..As I was trailing off, “Why It Hurts” popped up on my medium feed.
I was hurt, and I wanted to know why. The universes threw another hard ball at me in the form of a medium post. The intro read:
“Sometimes we can lose sight of what a healthy relationships gives us.”
I had to read this article because that vision was a blur at this point. The main point of the article was healthy relationships help us become our true self and unhealthy relationships takes that away from us because we are losing our self.
Every one that truly knows me, knows me as a calm, laid back, fun person, but that wasn’t me lately. I’ve lost my spunk, my happiness, my peace. I’ve been moody, snappy, distant. I’m starting to dread the things I love because I’m not in a great emotional place. Things aren’t great but we both believe we can do restore our healthy relationship.
Toxic relationships are draining.
I’ve chosen the path of repair in my relationship and this isn’t an easy path for me. The cold reality is, I’m fantastic at letting people go because I’ve been taught to depend on no one except for myself. Relationships aren’t easy though, they take work and time. It’s easier to quit when things are rough but success takes work and a lot of it.
I’ve started on this journey and I know it won’t be easy because change won’t happen overnight. The best advice I can give and am learning myself are two things if you both are willing to make things work:
- The 48 hour rule. If you are upset or furious about something. Do NOT immediately reply. Give it 48 hours, if you are still angry, you can say something then. Until then cool down and try to let it go. Remember, you cannot evaluate your emotions when you are in a heat of an argument.
- Respect your partner’s limits and boundaries. Do not push your partner past their bounds. As partners we usually know how to push us past our bounds really well. If you both dismissed the 48 hour rule and are in the heat of an argument and your partner says they don’t want to talk or they’re going for a walk because they want space, Do NOT try to keep them there or force a conversation out of them. Respect their wish. When people are cornered our fight or flight is triggered. Give them time to calm down, let them go, and talk once the tensions have eased.
Hopefully this article will help someone who feels they are going through rough times alone. You’re not alone and we all go through difficult times in our relationships. Just remember why you are with the person and work together to bring back the joy in your relationship.
If anything is this article has helped you then. Everybody clap your hands, clap, clap, clap, clap, clap, clap….
